What Can I Do to Avoid the Poop During Anal Sex?!?

Dear Couch,

This is a question I rarely see addressed in all of the discussions on anal sex. I have never had anal sex and my wife has no interest. I think her primary concern is the lack of cleanliness. I am concerned also. Most advice recommends starting with something small, like a finger. Not to be crude, but don't you get feces on your finger after putting it up there. Again, once one moves on to the actual anal intercourse, don't you again find feces on the penis once it is pulled out. I could see the lubrication preventing some of it from sticking to the various body parts that have been inserted, but not completely. Suppose I put a finger in her while I am performing oral sex on her. When done it seems I would have to take a break to wash my finger well before resuming other actives. Do I have the wrong idea here? Am I missing something? I am intrigued by the thought of anal sex, but turned off by the idea of dealing with the shit.


Dear Poop-Scared,

Perhaps you're just a little too anal retentive for anal sex. Ironic ain't it? Truth is, you can have squeaky clean anal sex if you'd like. For one, have your wife empty her bowels before the act. After that, the two of you jump in the shower, smooch around and lather up her tight little hole. If you're really going to be obsessive about this, your wife could give herself a little cleaning enema after the shower. If you're still really uncomfortable, use a condom and/or little finger condoms. You can remove them easily to continue action in other areas. Remember! You should never move from anal sex to vaginal penetration without changing condoms and/or washing well.

One thing to remember your wife is not going to be able to take it like a pro her first time. You're going to have to be slow and patient and communicate! More than likely, you will not be able to use your penis at all the first time, you should just use a finger, best while you're performing oral sex. Did we mention lube. You can not use too much water based lube!! You're wife will decide if anal penetration is her thing after some fingering and if it's not a lot of women enjoy just having their outer anus stimulated with a lubed finger (or you could use your tongue, but that's another column).

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