My Stinky Husband is Turning Me Off!!?!

Dear Couch,

I have never seen this problem addressed before in the column, but I need advice.  The question is, how can I get my husband to practice better hygiene, it is driving my crazy. He used to shower like every other day, and now he will go 3, 4 or sometimes more without showering. He washes his hair in the kitchen sink every morning and figures he is good enough. I have come right out and said, either clean up or you are not touching me. This usually leads to fighting. I have let him know how much I enjoy sex when he comes to me all squeaky clean and smelling great, but he doesn't seem to get the hint.  I find myself avoiding encounters because I don't want to get that close to him. I personally think it is just laziness.  Another thing that bothers me is that we will go someplace for the day and when I come home, I always wash my hands, and it bothers me that he will want to make love and put his hands up my privates without washing them first! I am not a neat freak by any means, but is it possible that I could pick up anything from his lack of cleanliness?  Help!

No Dirty Dancing

Dear Dirty Girl,

We're going to assume your Hubby was a cleaner person before you married him or you wouldn't have any room here to bitch. It's not unreasonable to expect a little general cleanliness out of the person lying on top of you during sex. Not because you may be a neat freak or snobby or whatever but because it takes away from your pleasure. And that's what sex is about, mutually pleasuring each other in a very personal way. We see nothing wrong with asking him to shower after three days before you agree to get in the sack. As to picking up anything from this non-showering, not very likely. If lack of showering lead to urinary tract infections then it would be epidemic in France.

Getting your husband to shower may lead to some friction but this type of disregard for your feelings and needs may just be a sign of things to come. You mention that this is a change in your husbands showering routine so before we disregard this as simple selfishness you should consider his life and self image. Obviously his job doesn't require a great deal of cleanliness (sounds like he's a programmer, hehehehe) but maybe he's not feeling the greatest about himself. Try taking him shopping. Nothing gets a guy into GQ mode like some new duds and a trip to the fragrance counter. Don't just buy some cologne but a set, like cologne, shaving cream, and same scent soap. Then go out, but DO NOT go for formal with a romantic dinner. That is not for him and won't reinforce cleanliness for him. Go some where he likes that is mutual ground and even encourage him to go alone to his regular digs. Getting some positive strokes for a little sprucing up from sources other than you can be even more encouraging.

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